Love your wife

You work really hard to find the perfect companion for yourself. You pray and search and seek to find the right one. Then you make your choice. Then your focus needs to change. Your quest changes from finding the right companion to becoming the right companion. Your companion will have weaknesses and in the natural order of things both of your weaknesses will surface and that will give you something to work on and to work out.  But you must be careful not to make your spouse's weaknesses your focus. Paul told husbands to love their wives as Jesus loved the church, and gave himself for it. I think that means service and love and sacrifice.  It means forgiveness and going the extra mile. It means not noticing where you have strengths and your spouse has weaknesses. But instead it means having gratitude that your strengths compliment one another in your marriage. And it means being grateful for any strengths you may have so you can serve your spouse and being grateful for the opportunity to serve her.

When you entered your marriage you made promises to your  companion and covenants with God. President McKay used to say that to be trusted was more important than to be loved. By the same token, loyalty to your spouse is more important than love. Not that love is not important. Husbands are commanded to love their wives with all their heart might and strength and to cleave unto her and to none else (D&C 42:22). I've heard of men who justified breaking marriage promises by saying they didn't love their spouse any more. I say what difference does that make? Fix it. Love her. All of us have weaknesses. Certainly your spouses weaknesses aren't greater than your own. If you will work and pray to fix your own weaknesses and seek to love your spouse, you will find that in that setting your love for one another will grow and in that setting both of you will be encouraged to overcome weaknesses and become a better person.

The gift of repentance

Last night in my institute class in the Bronx we were talking about inviting others to come unto Christ and a student wondered how he could help a friend who felt like he wasn't worthy to approach the Lord, or to come to church.

That's a great question that I'm probably not going to answer. But I think part of the answer lies in something I read yesterday in the Book of Mormon. In fact it was those words, and the message they carried that prompted me to decide to start this blog. The only problem is that it took me awhile to set up the blog (after not being able to find the username and password of a similar blog I started years ago) and to write my first post so I ran out of time before I wrote down what I was feeling. And then this morning I remembered I had a great insight yesterday but I couldn't remember what it was :-). Memory is a wonderful thing.

But I do remember what I was reading so maybe I can figure it out. I remember what I felt. It was the love our Father has for us when He reaches out to us and invites us to repent and come unto Him. I was reading Mosiah 26 where Alma, as a new head of the Church was trying to figure out what to do with some church members who were brought to him who had committed sins. So Alma inquired of the Lord and the Lord taught him "concerning the transgressor" (v. 19).

Here are a few of His words.
"He that will hear my voice shall be my sheep ... and him will I receive" (v. 21).
"This is my church; and whosoever is baptized shall be baptized unto repentance, and whosoever ... shall believe in my name; ... will I freely forgive" (v. 22).
"For it is I that taketh upon me the sins of the world; ... and it is I that granteth unto him that believeth unto the end a place at my right hand" (v. 23).
"For behold, in my name are they called; and if they know me they ... shall have a place eternally at my right hand" (v. 24).
"Therefore [concerning the transgressor] ... if he confess his sins before thee and me, and repenteth in the sincerity of his heart, him shall ye forgive, and I will forgive him also" (v. 29).
"Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me" (v. 30).
"And ye shall also forgive one another" (v. 31).

When I read these words I picture our Father in Heaven reaching out to us and inviting us to accept the wonderful gift of the Atonement into our lives. Now of course our Father is both just and merciful and there are consequences if we refuse to repent. Mosiah 26 also talks about these consequences. But this essay is about the merciful gift of repentance. A favorite insight from a recent Conference came from Elder Richard G. Scott when he said the Lord sees rebellion differently than he does our weaknesses. Here is what he said.

“The joyful news for anyone who desires to be rid of the consequences of past poor choices is that the Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. Whereas the Lord warns that unrepented rebellion will bring punishment, when the Lord speaks of weaknesses, it is always with mercy.” (October 2013 Conference).

I am grateful for repentance. I open this gift often.

Last night one of the students said one thing she loved about the Doctrine and Covenants was how it was written in such a straightforward manner with words that apply specifically to us in our day. She said she appreciated how often the Savior spoke directly to individuals and called them by name. This helped her to remember that the Lord knows each of us individually. She said one way to individualize the words in the Doctrine and Covenants was to put our own name into what we are reading. As an example, she shared these words.

"Behold, thou art Oliver [Samantha], and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love" (D&C 6:20).

Thank goodness for this and other invitations in the scriptures.

Just Sharing.

Someplace in my travels I encountered and adopted this saying, "Just sharing." I guess my wish is that it will take away any feeling that "preaching" is going on. We all have things we'd like to fix. We don't need anyone to point them out. We're all trying. Hopefully this phrase, "Just sharing," lets others know that my motive is not to preach but to share something that I've discovered, in the hope that maybe it will be of benefit to someone other than myself.

I have learned the value of writing down my thoughts as I am taught by the scriptures and the words of prophets. I learn things when I do. Perhaps heaven is looking over my shoulder and saying something like, "Well if he's going to write down what we tell him then maybe we'll keep telling him stuff." And not only that, when I write down my thoughts it helps me solidify what I'm learning. Joseph Smith taught that the things of God are of deep import and that it takes our best efforts and our deepest thinking to find them out (very rough paraphrase).

So I often write down my thoughts when I read/study the scriptures. And that process helps me connect with heaven. And maybe that's enough. But I'm a teacher and often I learn things with the intent to share them in the hopes they might be helpful to someone else. So I have lots of notes in my scriptures and lots of notes in document files I've created to go along with each of the standard works. The problem is that some of the most important things I've learned I have shared in classroom settings and not with those of my own family. I'm not sure how to fix that. The good news is that the Lord is teaching my family members things in their lives and in their own studies and in the classrooms they attend that probably are more profound than anything I could share. But still, the command is that parents are supposed to teach spiritually essential things to their children (D&C 68:25-28). But now my kids are adults and my "lecture mode" is long gone as far as my family is concerned. Thus this blog, "Just sharing." Maybe I can share here some of the things I have been taught by the Spirit and maybe some of it will be helpful to someone in my family.